D is for depression; I have never been depressed – though depression flirted with me more than I wanted it to – but mostly I have seen its effects on few people close to my heart.
I am not a doctor (but here you can find a very useful set of information about it) so I cannot give any clinical description; the only way I can depict it is the moment when your soul is too heavy to carry.
It’s the burden of your feelings switching off the light in your eyes. It’s the sky getting a bit lower every day, the walls closing around you a bit more every night. It’s a short horizon getting shorter by the minute; it’s the colours around fading as the clock ticks.
It’s when you don’t recognise yourself in the mirror anymore, where has that strong woman I used to be gone? Where is the charismatic man I used to be hiding?
It’s your ears getting deaf to the words of your loved ones, who are on your side, who – trust me- don’t love you any less because you are not the person you used to be, but who cannot make you realise how valuable you are, how strong you still are.
Sure, maybe now you are not the soul of the party, and your flair is not the same of your amazing past, but believe me, you are strong.
You are strong every morning, when you try to get out of bed; it doesn’t matter if today you cannot, you have still tried; you are strong every time you fake a smile to make someone around you feel better; you are strong every evening when you fight with your fears before sleeping, and you know too well that sleep might not come or come and go every hour, but still there you are, in bed. You are strong when you try not to sleep your pain away; today you try, tomorrow you’ll do.
As a quote I love goes: “You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before, and that, my love, is bravery”